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Time Traveller From The Future Warns Of Terminator Sequels
A HAUNTED-looking man arrived from the future last night to warn mankind of Terminator sequels so incredibly bad they will make you cry inside.
Brown Survives As Labour Rebels Blah, Blah, Blah, Who Gives A Shit?
DEPUTY prime minister Gordon Brown survived a backbench revolt last night after pledging to change his style of leadership and blah, blah, blah, you're not still reading this are you?
Dutch to invent word for 'cricket'
AFTER their surprise victory against England, the Dutch have admitted they had better invent a word for cricket if they are going to play it for a second time.
This Is How The Nazis Started, Says Everyone
THE Nazis started out with just a couple of MPs and six percent of the vote you know, everyone said last night.
Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper
Dear Holly,
I have never been particularly thin, but recently I was told by my doctor that I'm clinically obese and I am beginning to think I should try to lose some weight. The problem is I'd much rather sit in an armchair and scoff enough Domino's pizza to feed a family of five than subject myself to the humiliation and trauma of exercise...
Mash Radio: First Apprentice To Sell An Emailer Wins, Says Sugar
THE first contestant who manages to sell an Amstrad Emailer will win The Apprentice, Sir Alan Sugar said last night. Click the 'play' button to hear Mash Radio...
UK Demands Porn As Basic Human Right
MOST people in the UK believe the right to toss themselves silly is as important as clean, running water, according to new research.
Brown Stamps Authority With Stupid, Pointless Reshuffle
GORDON brown reasserted his authority today with what his supporters insisted was a stupid, pointless reshuffle that won't make the slightest difference to anything.