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Fraud Investigation Launched Into Rover 200

THE Serious Fraud Office is to launch an investigation after claims the Rover 200 may have been marketed as a car.

Federer Becomes Most Boring Man Ever

ROGER Federer tore up the record books predictably last night following an utterly tedious victory over some American who's done nothing but play tennis since he was seven.

Fun causes cancer, say doctors

A LIFE of po-faced self-denial and thinking that animals are people can reduce the risk of cancer, doctors have claimed.

But We Love The Madness, Bankers Tell Darling

BANKERS have rejected Alistair Darling's plea not to return to the 'madness' that caused the recession, insisting they bloody love it.

No-One To Phone A Radio Show Ever Again

PEOPLE across Britain last night agreed never to phone a radio show ever again in case Gordon Brown decides to visit them.

Furious Russell T Davies Threatens To Turn BBC Gaylien

TORCHWOOD creator Russell T Davies has reacted angrily to cuts in the series by threatening to turn the BBC's entire TV output into a same-sex inter-galactic love-in.

Prince Charming Given 48 Hours To Revive Michael Jackson


PRINCE Charming has been handed a 48-hour deadline to get to the Neverland Ranch and attempt to revive Michael Jackson.

My Big Gap Year: Pope And Glory

With Poppy Spalding

WEDNESDAY: ROME
This week finds me in the former lava-loving, viaduct-building world dominator: Roma, Italia! It's always been my dream to come to Rome so I can see if all the roads really do lead here. I now fully understand how they do as there are just so many roads, and they literally lead in hundreds of directions.