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Your Astrological Week Ahead, With Psychic Bob
Virgo (23 AUG-22 SEP)
Put the fun back into suicide notes by blaming a completely innocent person for your fractured mental state.
Inventor Unveils All-In-One Portable Tragedy Shrine
A BRITISH inventor has developed an all-in-one council estate tragedy
shrine that can be erected within seconds of something 'sad' happening.
US Church To Commemorate 9-11 By Causing Another One
A CHURCH in Florida is to commemorate the anniversary of the 9-11 atrocity by causing another one.
Dance, Taxman Tells Britain
BRITAIN did a pathetic attempt at an Irish jig last night as
the Inland Revenue swigged from a whisky bottle and fired a revolver at
its feet.
Apple To Ruin Your Life All Over Again
IPHONE users are set to return to their usual sobbing, foetal state with the release of IOS4.1.
Londoners To Loathe Each Other In The Open Air
LONDONERS will spend today wishing death upon each other in a late summer festival of above-ground loathing.
Women The New Black, Say Police
VULNERABLE women who can't defend themselves are the new black, according to police violence pundits
Pope 'Using UK Taxpayers Like Giant Condom'
THE Pope was last night accused of using British taxpayers to protect himself from non-sexually transmitted bullets.