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New Rubik Ball Offers Viable Alternative To Human Contact
THE new Rubik's puzzle can provide a healthy alternative to a sexual relationship and is definitely not a fetish for OCD social misfits, its inventor said last night.
RAC Calls For Ban On Clamping Drivers Who Ignore No-Parking Signs
CLAMPING someone who sees a no-parking sign and then blatantly ignores it is a breach of their human rights, the RAC has claimed.
Prescott phone tap reveals obsession with chip butties and viagra
JOHN Prescott's obsession with chip butties and erection pills are no-one's business but his own, the former deputy prime minister said last night.
Reduced Choice For Tosspots
TOSSPOTS with ironic T-shirts and trendy gadgets have lost yet another place to piss people off after the collapse of Coffee Republic.
Supermarkets To Sell Pre-Digested Food
A RANGE of pre-digested foods aimed at consumers who are too busy for normal metabolic function has hit the shelves of UK superstores.
Scientists Invent Dildo That Can Remove Spiders
MEN were declared obsolete last night after scientists finally perfected a dildo that can remove spiders from a bathtub.
Your Astrological Week Ahead With...
Psychic Bob
Cancer (21 JUN-22 JUL)
You get your big break in the movies this week as Ken Loach casts you as an embittered middle-aged failure with terrible personal hygiene and northern teeth.
Earliest Bible Clearly A Novel
THE Codex Sinaiticus, believed to be the oldest surviving Bible, features a garish embossed cover and an endorsement from the Emperor Constantine describing it as a 'supernatural page-turner par excellence'.