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Chelsea Report City For Acting Like Chelsea
CHELSEA have reported Manchester City to the FA for behaving exactly the same way they have behaved for years.
Neighbours Agree Never To Talk To Each Other Again
MILLIONS of people across Britain met their neighbours for the first time yesterday and immediately decided never to talk to them again.
Concern Grows Over Lack Of Panic
CONCERN was growing last night that the British public is not freaking out quite as much as it was supposed to.
One Woman's Week: If You're Thinkin' About My Baby...
By Karen Fenessey
YET another day passes where I must bite the tears and press on in this terrible world where there is no Michael. His message to the world 'It don't matter if you're black or white' has never been so relevant – especially as I recently learned from the BBC series The Incredible Human Journey: Out of Africa that in fact all humans are black, regardless of the colour of their skin.
Bruno Re-Cut For MPs
THE makers of x-rated comedy film Bruno have released a re-cut version with added sexual perversity, just for British MPs.
Bankers Look Forward To Rubbing Your Nose In It
BANKERS last night welcomed proposals for their salaries to be made public, stressing they cannot wait to rub your nose right in it.
Swine Flu Catches Cherie Blair
SWINE flu is on the verge of a hideous and unstoppable mutation after contracting a virulent case of Cherie Blair, scientists have warned.
Britain Flocks To Childish Wizard Rubbish
MILLIONS of grown men and women have turned out to watch the latest film based on some childish drivel about a magic boy.