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Football Clubs Swap Rubbish Bins
ENGLAND'S football managers spent yesterday rifling through each other's bin bags in the hope of finding something that was not covered in rancid milk and tea leaves.
Brown Launches Bid For Terrorist Vote
GORDON Brown is pinning Labour's re-election hopes on securing the support of as many UK-based terrorists as possible, it emerged last night.
Earth's Future In Hands Of Wilf Lunn
THE Earth can be saved from the damaging effects of climate change with a series of contraptions built by Wilf Lunn, it has been claimed.
Prison Nicer Than Hospital Apart From All The Sodomy, Say Experts
PRISON life is preferable to hospital apart from the persistent knife-point sodomy and being shanked for an ounce of tobacco, according to a major new report.
Knotting Hill Fete Goes Off Without Killings
THE Wiltshire village of Knotting Hill's annual fete has gone off without violent death for the 114th year in a row.
Oasis renamed Noelgallagher
POP group Oasis will stage a comeback later this year under the new name of Noelgallagher, it emerged last night.
New NHS Reforms To Be Led By Characters From Streetfighter 2
THE ailing NHS is to be kicked into shape using an array of characters from Street-Fighter 2, it was confirmed last night.
Dinosaurs sounded like Scousers, say experts
THE steaming Jurassic jungles were alive with the sound of dinosaurs that sounded like aggrieved Scousers, paleontologists have claimed.