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Guest Blog: John Lydon
GREETINGS, fellow scumbags. I speak to you from deepest, darkest Soho in London Town. I'm up early on this fine, crisp English morning - the birds are singing and I've just completed my first rebellious act of the day by not saying 'hello' to the special constable who walked past my house...
'If You Destroy Holly Or Fearne, The Other Will Die'
HOLLY Willoughby and Fearne Cotton are the twin sisters of Beelzebub and must be destroyed at all costs, experts have claimed.
Frigid Lesbianism Caused By Brain Defect
WOMEN who don't like having sex with men have something wrong with their brains, a new study has finally proved beyond doubt.
Cherie Blair's Sister Converts To Aldi
CHERIE Blair's sister has converted to Aldi, it emerged last night.
Fury Over Death Of Britain's Biggest Cow
ANGER erupted across Britain last night after the nation's largest cow was found dead.
Portsmouth Saved By Rooney Change Jar
WAYNE Rooney has ensured Portsmouth FC's future after pledging them the contents of his sofa.
London To Be Socially Cleansed After Child Bitten By Poor Person
LONDON'S poor are to be culled after a child was bitten by an unemployed adult male.
Manchester In Desperate Need Of A Bowling Alley
MANCHESTER is to build a gigantic bowling alley after it emerged that 30 local men had nothing better to do on a Thursday night than go to a footballer's house and threaten to kill him.