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Google Launches Collaborative Self-Pleasuring Tool
SEARCH engine giant Google has opened trials of GoogleFrot, a new application designed to create a global network of simultaneous groin-rubbing.
New Calls For All-Clown Space Station
THERE were fresh demands last night for the rest of the world's clowns to be fired into orbit immediately.
Fump Off, You Bunch Of Fumpers, Says Mandelson
LABOUR'S relationship with News International was in tatters last night after Lord Mandelson described the company as 'a bunch of fumpers who need a right good kick in the chump'.
Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper
Dear Holly,
I'm starting to think I might have a bit of a drug problem, but I don't know how to deal with it. Personally, I see nothing wrong with taking four enormous lines of coke, a couple of pills and 15 mohitos, and then dancing in a neon vest and shorts for 12 hours solid to The Pet Shop Boys...
Parents Fury At 'Sex Marbles'
A PARENTS' group has launched an anti-marble campaign after discovering the seemingly innocent glass balls signify sordid teenage sex acts.
Sun Readers To Vote For Football And Tits
THE readers of Britain's biggest newspaper last night threw their electoral support behind lots more football and great big bouncy titties.
Your Astrological Week Ahead With...
Psychic Bob
Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT)
An eventful week for you as you manage to get banned from every Tesco in Britain after being caught fornicating with the rotisserie chickens. Twice.
Cats 'loose' in Britain
SIGHTINGS of small carnivorous cats, often with tabby or ginger fur, are on the increase, it was claimed last night.