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Al Qaeda To Recruit Fatties
AL Qaeda is expected to focus its recruitment policy on ugly, fat people following the introduction of 'naked' airport scanners, it was claimed last night.
Voters To Hire Jimmy Conway From 'Goodfellas'
THE row over MPs' expenses escalated last night as voters across Britain agreed to hire Jimmy Conway from Goodfellas.
NHS Stands By Decision To Employ Bats
NHS officials have defended their decision to employ thousands of bats at a Scottish hospital.
England Defeat Doesn't Count If No-One Sees It, Claims Capello
ENGLAND'S 1-0 defeat to Ukraine did not happen because no-one saw it, Fabio Capello insisted last night.
Brown To Sell Pathetic, Home-Made Wooden Things
GORDON Brown has unveiled his plan to slash Britain's deficit by making lots of pathetic little wooden things and then selling them from a table outside his house.
Russell Brand Is Currently Having Sex With You
RUSSELL Brand is having furtive, unsatisfying sex with you right now, it has emerged.
Come And See Our Hot Lesbians, Says Swindon
SWINDON is a hotbed of unbridled lesbian sex, the town's borough council claimed last night.