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Judge Me On The Cleanliness Of Our Kit, Insists Benitez
LIVERPOOL coach Rafael Benitez last night called for his team's immaculate kit to be the benchmark for their success.
Iraqi Insurgents Launch Boy Band
AFTER failing to capture the West's attention by blowing things up, Iraq's insurgents have launched a boy band in a bid to boost their profile.
Banks Call For Mervyn King To Be Broken Up
BRITAIN'S biggest banks last night called for Mervyn King to be broken up into lots of little bits.
Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper
Dear Holly,
I'm 29 and still a virgin. It's not through lack of trying - I'd dearly love to get my kicks from something more interactive than a poster of Hugh Grant and an Oral-B 500...
Your Astrological Week Ahead...
Psychic Bob
Scorpio (24 OCT-21 NOV)
You've never valued wealth or material things, believing yourself to exist on a higher, more spiritual level. So you won't be at all interested to find out the contents of your rich spinster aunt's will when she drops dead this week. You make me sick.
New fathers reluctant to spend time with constantly screeching bag of shit
NEW fathers are failing to use their legal entitlement to paternity leave because they do not want to spend all day with a noisy shit fountain, according to new research.
Gay Bike Will Help Children Learn To Fight
THE Gaytrack 400, the gayest-looking boys' bike ever, will help children to gain valuable self-defence skills, the manufactuers have claimed.
Racists Undermining Army's Mission To Kill Brown People
RACISTS are damaging the reputation of the British Army and undermining its mission to kill brown people, it was claimed last night.