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Meat-Eaters To Finally Be Treated Like Smokers
MEAT-eaters are, at long last, to be treated like smokers, it has been confirmed.
Iceland Begins Desperate Search For New Cheesey Gristle Supplier
ICELAND has begun the search for a new supplier of thin slabs of gristle covered with a slice of processed yellow dairy product.
Credit Card Firms Told To Stop Leaving Horses' Heads Everywhere
CREDIT card firms are facing a crackdown on practices such as leaving a horse's head at the bottom of your bed or killing you and then stuffing you in an oil drum.
Google Urged To Help Victims Of U2 Concert
GOOGLE has been urged to provide emergency aid for all those caught up in Sunday night's live U2 webcast from California.
Ferguson Calls R-Word A C-Word
SIR Alex Ferguson has avoided fresh charges from the FA by euphemistically abusing the referee using figures of speech and a hand puppet.
Census To Be Very Dirty
THE 2011 census will be ever so mucky, ministers pledged last night.
Bullshit Schools Must Teach Other Bullshit Accurately
INDEPENDENT faith schools have been warned that differing types of voodoo must be taught with the same accuracy as their own brand of mojambo.