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God Is A Banker
GOD has revealed himself to be the head of Goldman Sachs, and that the real purpose of human existence is to get extraordinarily rich by 40 and buy yourself an island.
Child Anvil Injuries At Record High
VIOLENCE in cartoons is causing children to drop massive anvils on each others' heads, stockpile TNT or mess around with huge magnets, a new report has warned.
Massive Drink Benders 'Should Be Better Organised'
ENORMOUS 1p-a-pint student drink bender clubs should be less haphazard affairs, a judge has warned.
Bosses quite happy with levels of workplace stress
COMPANY bosses have welcomed a new survey showing employees are experiencing exactly the right levels of stress to keeping them working like mules.
Parents Must Allow Children Sex Education Once They’re Already Having Sex
PARENTS' rights to withdraw their children from sex education will stop once the youngsters are already experienced in Dutch steamboating and the reverse clambake, the Government said last night.
North West Panic As Magic Lantern Goes Out
THE latest stage of the digital TV switch over caused havoc in the North West yesterday as terrified viewers feared the death of the 'Unblinking Eye' that sits in the corner of their living room.
Newcastle To Rename Stadium Every 30 Seconds
NEWCASTLE United are to change the name of their historic St James's Park Stadium every 30 seconds, in accordance with the highest bidder.