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Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper
Dear Holly,
My life is so rubbish right now and I need some advice about how to drag myself out of a rut. The main issue is my image and self-esteem. Aside from being rather podgy, I just don't know how to dress myself to look sexy...
Scientists Perfect Female Low Self-Esteem Pill
A NEW female sex pill will make women feel sufficiently worthless to embroil themselves in a series of demeaning one-night-stands with unbearable men, it was claimed last night.
Your Astrological Week Ahead With...
Psychic Bob
Scorpio (24 OCT-21 NOV)
Great news on the job front when after arguing for eight hours in the pub about Arsenal's best starting XI you're offered the manager's post by their chairman who was listening at the next table.
One Woman's Week: Spell It Like It Is
The reason our country is in such a mess is because the majority of its citizens gain their knowledge of punctuation from ready meals. That's why if Gordon Brown called me up to discuss his writing skills I'd have a little less to say about war and a little more to say about exclamation marks (!).
I Will Buy You And Make You Part Of My Giant Chess Set, Warns Ex-RBS Chief
FORMER RBS chairman Sir George Mathewson last night hinted that anyone attempting to regulate City bonuses may find themselves part of the human chess set at his Highland estate.
'Gayness Is Everywhere And It Wants Your Son'
HOMOSEXUALITY is caused by an invisible evil cloud that can even get inside your pregnant wife and turn your unborn son into a lover of Mamma Mia, experts claimed last night.
Sarah Palin Doesn't Know What Radar Is
SARAH Palin could still stand for the US presidency in 2012 after it emerged she has no idea what radar is.
Nursing Degree Will Make British Hospitals Deadliest In The World, Pledges NHS
NURSES are to undergo a rigorous three-year degree as the NHS launches a new drive to kill people more efficiently.