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New Campaign Urges Teens To 'Get Up The Spout In Ilfracombe'
THE seaside resort of Ilfracombe is to place teenage pregnancy rates at the heart of its economic development strategy.
Town Bids To End Pine Needle Carnage
A TOWN council is hoping to end the carnage caused by stray pine needles by replacing its traditional 20ft Christmas Tree with a photograph of Kermit the Frog.
England World Cup Bid Endangered By England
ENGLAND'S 2018 World Cup bid could be undermined by the hellish, unremitting dreadfulness of everything in the country, it was claimed last night.
Fury As Americans Find Gay Kiss Oddly Arousing
A TELEVISED gay kiss has caused outrage across America after thousands of red-blooded men discovered the beginnings of a semi.
Are You Scared Yet? Bankers Ask Britain
BRITAIN'S bankers last night wanted to know if you were scared yet amid mounting evidence that they will get exactly what they want, all the time.
Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper
Dear Holly,
I'm thinking of having my breasts augmented to a preposterous size, dressing as a porn-star and talking like a gutter snipe...
Werewolves Win Right To Tear Your Head Off
BRITAIN'S werewolves today won the right to tear your head off, rip open your chest and hungrily devour your still-beating heart.
Police Creating Army Of Super-Villains
POLICE arresting suspects to gain their DNA are hoping to breed a new species of super-criminal in a bid to increase overtime payments, it emerged last night.