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Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper
Dear Holly,
I've come into a bit of money recently, and I am considering giving a large chunk of it to charity. I'm hoping that by giving something to those less fortunate than myself, it will tip the karmic balance and this sexy blonde girl who works in my office will finally let me pump her...
UK Children Approaching Maximum Thickness
BRITAIN'S children are now just two years away from maximum thickness, according to the latest exam statistics.
Windows 7 Users Complain Over 'Black Screen Of Being Conned Out Of Two Hundred Quid'
MICROSOFT have admitted that some users of its new Windows 7 operating system have been confronted with the dreaded 'Black Screen of Paying £200 for Something That Doesn't Work'.
Obama Confuses Afghanistan With Country That's Not Insane
PRESIDENT Obama last night unveiled plans to send an extra 30,000 troops to Afghanistan after confusing it with a country that is not completely insane.
Your Astrological Week Ahead With...
Psychic Bob
Sagittarius (22 NOV-21 DEC)
Take it easy this week because this is an accident-prone time for you when driving, walking, jogging or standing still beneath the rapidly growing shadow of a grand piano.
Iran Should Tire Of Yachtsmen Fairly Quickly, Say Experts
IRAN will soon find the five British yachtsmen they have captured quite unbearable, experts predicted last night.
David Hasselhoff's Mind To Become Theme Park
FORMER Baywatch star David Hasselhoff's psyche is set to become a multi-million dollar tourist attraction, with rides, cafes and high strangeness.
London Awash With Ponces
A NEW report into the trauma of travelling by tube has revealed that London is awash with whining ponces.