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Hamster Toy Contains Dangerous Levels Of Horse Vagina
THE makers of a popular hamster toy have reassured parents that their product does not contain excessive levels of horse labia.
Internet Porn Safety Lessons To Replace Maths
MATHS will finally be dropped from the school curriculum so that children can be taught the safest way to find pornography on the internet.
My Big Gap Year: Family Thighs
Dispatches from Poppy Spalding
Monday: Vienna
THIS week finds me in the Austrian capital - birthplace of such legendary musicians as Mozart and genius Band Aid 20 creator, Midge Ure. However, people forget that there's a dark underbelly to this place which involves doing stuff with your dad that I'd rather not even think about.
Brown Unveils Radical Package Of Lies And Bullshit
GORDON Brown today pledged to cut Britain's deficit with a radical package of outright lies.
Rustenberg Spontaneously Bursts Into Flames
THE SOUTH African city of Rustenberg has destroyed itself just seconds after it was announced as being England’s base during next year's World Cup.
Save The Planet For Us, Say Selfish, Undeserving Little Turds
MILLIONS of children are urging world leaders to invest in new ways of generating electricity for the mobile phones and games consoles they are glued to every minute of the fucking day.
But The Real Word Is Full Of Poor People, Say Bankers
BANKERS last night rejected calls to live in the real world insisting it was full of badly-dressed poor people with only one house.
