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Tesco And iPhone Combine As Foretold In Ancient Prophecy
SUPERMARKET giant Tesco has confirmed it will sell the Apple iPhone, thus creating the twin colossi of rampaging evil as foretold by scripture.
Labour MP Is Named Quentin
GORDON Brown's plan for a class war against the Conservatives was in tatters last night after it emerged that one of his MPs is named Quentin.
Liverpool Turn Corner Into Terrifying Alley Full Of Zombies
RAFAEL Benitez last night said Liverpool have turned their 16th corner of the season and that this time everything was going to be grand.
Drinkers Keep Faith With Bullshit Hangover Cures
MOST people still cling to the belief that you can drink four bottles of cheap red wine and feel fine the next day if you have a special magic breakfast, according to a new survey.
Tories To Buy Darling A House
THE Conservative Party last night offered to buy chancellor Alistair Darling the home of his dreams.
Guest Blog: Michael Mcintyre
I was standing in the men's toilet in Sainsbury’s the other day, doing a man wee with my man's willy, when suddenly I had this thought: AREN'T WILLIES THE DAFTEST LOOKING THINGS!?!
Children Must Work Off Cost Of Flu Jab, Say Docs
CHILDREN under five who receive swine flu vaccinations will have to work for their local GP until the debt is paid, it emerged last night.
Rich Early Favourites In Battle Against Poor
LABOUR'S bid to engineer a battle between rich and poor will almost certainly result in a resounding victory for the rich, it was claimed last night.