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Sneering at council estate Christmas lights is number one festive pastime
SNEERING at council house Christmas lights has overtaken fake cheerfulness to become Britain's favourite festive pastime, according to a new survey.
Twiggy Is 300 Years Old, Admits Oil Of Olay
TWIGGY is a 300 year-old Bulgarian woman, Oil of Olay admitted last night.
Your Astrological Week Ahead With...
Psychic Bob
Sagittarius (22 NOV-21 DEC)
Your secret Santa this year contains a pair of odor eaters, a ten pack of Boots Staydry pull-up belted incontinence pads, a bumper bottle of Febreze and a large tube of 'personal area' deodorant.
1,000 Years Of Cliff Richard, Warn Scientists
SIR Cliff Richard could survive well into the next ice age, according to new research.
Cowell Makes Olly Wear Joe's Lovely Skin
SIMON Cowell has removed X Factor winner Joe McElderry's skin and stitched Olly Murs into it to create a perfect hybrid of looks and likeability.
I Do Not Love The Ginger Ones, Says Santa
SANTA Claus last night condemned ginger haired children, insisting they freak him out and will never be welcome at the North Pole.
Hubble Telescope Discovers Vast Galaxy Made Of Porn
THE Hubble telescope has captured images of an enormous galaxy made up entirely of pornography, astronomers have claimed.
Hospital Cleaners Help Kill Off Greedy Pensioners
HOSPITAL cleaners create £10 of value for every £1 they are paid because they help kill off thousands of people who would otherwise be claiming a state pension, according to new research.