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Keys points finger at Sith
RICHARD Keys has blamed disturbances in the Force for his recent inability to cling on to his job.
Celebrities still think they deserve privacy
BRITAIN'S famous people are still insisting they are entitled to any kind of private life, it emerged last night.
Your problems solved, with Holly Harper
Dear Holly,
My son has decided to become a homosexual and I was wondering what I need to do to turn him normal again...
Economy like my scrotum, says Osborne
THE economy contracts when cold, like a scrotum, chancellor George Osborne said last night.
Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob
Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB)
Climbing up on Solsbury Hill, I could see the city lights. Wind was
blowing, time stood still, eagle flew out of the night. A great evening
of dogging lay ahead.
Living standards plummet to early 21st Century levels
BRITAIN'S average standard of living will soon be no better than it was just over five years ago.
Fresh calls for you to be sacked
YOU are facing the sack today because you once said something about someone that some other people have decided to find offensive.
iPhone fired into space to see if it finally gets a signal
SCIENTISTS are to put an iPhone into orbit in an attempt to get a full set of bars for a change.