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Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper
Dear Holly,
Now Christmas is over I have that familiar, encroaching feeling of doom as I realise I have absolutely nothing to look forward to in the near future except the arrival of hefty credit card bills and the daunting prospect of working off the megatonne of Iceland party food unwisely consumed over the Christmas period...
I'm No Hero, Says Tiny Jellyfish
THE tiny jellyfish who stung Ben Southall last night insisted he was only doing what anyone would have done in the same circumstances.
Al Qaeda To Wage Underpant-Based War, Say Experts
AL Qaeda has embarked on a new campaign of underpant-based terror and improvised exploding knickers, experts warned last night.
Queen To Reflect On What A Horrible Year It's Been For You
HER Majesty the Queen will use her Christmas message to reflect on what a thoroughly ghastly year it has been for the likes of you.
My Perfect Bloody Christmas
By Michael Caine
Do you know, there are three things in this life that are a given: 1) Sean Connery will never put his hand in his bleeding pocket; 2) Michael Winner shouldn't be allowed to direct the bloody traffic; and 3) I'll never be asked to switch the Christmas lights on in Oxford Street ever again...
Stupid People Still Allowed To Name Children
IDIOTS producing smaller idiots will continue to be allowed to name them, it has been confirmed.