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Don't Suppose You've Seen Bin Laden? Asks FBI

THE FBI has issued computer generated images of what Osama Bin Laden would look like now, just in case you have seen him and not realised.

Gina Ford Looks Like Herman Goering, Says Clegg

NICK Clegg has renewed his attack on Gina Ford, claiming the popular baby mechanic looks like fat Nazi Herman Goering.

Campbell Moves To Arsenal For The Peace And Quiet

SOL Campbell has returned to Arsenal for a bit of peace and quiet, his agent said last night.

New Drugs Czar Claims Cannabis Can Help White People Understand Dub Reggae

BRITAIN'S new drugs czar has claimed that cannabis can make dub reggae enjoyable for white people.

Google And China In Battle To Enslave You

THE last great battle of our time was underway last night as Google and China began fighting for control of every living thing on the face of the Earth.

Stop And Search To Be Replaced With Good, Old-Fashioned Violence

BRITAIN'S police could once again be able to kick the bejesus out of terror suspects after stop and search powers were declared illegal by some communist homosexuals.

Typical Lunch Box More Nutritious Than Its Contents

THE average school lunch box now contains at least three items that, technically, are not food, according to a new survey.

Traffic Slows Down To Stare At Alastair Campbell

CENTRAL London ground to a halt last night as thousands of motorists slowed down to gawp at the mangled wreckage of Alastair Campbell.