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Enormous Americans eat Jamie Oliver
OBESE Americans last night rejected Jamie Oliver's latest food campaign by deep frying him in hog fat and eating his head.
Your Astrological Week Ahead With...
Psychic Bob
Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB)
Oooh, ahhh. Just a little bit. Oooh, ahhh. A little bit more. Oooh ahhh, just a little bit. You know what I'm looking for.
Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper
Dear Holly,
My girlfriend and I are deeply in love, and I would dearly love her to be my wife one day. However, my prospective mother-in-law (who actually does look like Zelda from Terrahawks) hates my guts and makes my life a misery at every possible opportunity...
Deficit Reduction Was Based On Sales Of 'Between The Wars', Admits Darling
CHANCELLOR Alistair Darling has been forced to scrap his deficit reduction plan, admitting it was based entirely on sales of Billy Bragg's Between the Wars EP.
Class 4b Intrigued By Tory 'Super-Teachers'
CLASS 4B last night said it cannot wait to meet David Cameron's new breed of unbreakable super-teachers.
Will Chocolate Buttons taste like shit? asks Britain
FEARS were growing today that chocolate buttons are inevitably going to end up tasting like shit.
Army To Be Made Up Of Mythical Creatures By 2016
DEFENCE cuts could see Britain's armed forces being made up of Minotaurs, winged horses and nightmarish un-dead demons from Hellraiser, according to a new report.
Ferguson In Furious Row With Own Reflection
SIR ALEX Ferguson has ordered all the mirrors to be removed from Old Trafford following a blazing row with his own reflection.