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Brazil Has Better Class Of Rubbish Heap Death Squad, Says Homesick Robinho
THE ruthless death squads that roam the rubbish heaps of Manchester are not as good as the ones in Brazil, Man City striker Robinho said last night.
Cowell Keen To Defile Alien Civilisations
FREAK-wrangler Simon Cowell last night said he was 'thrilled at the prospect' of defiling newly discovered alien civilisations.
One Woman's Week: Big Chef, Little Chef
By Karen Fenessey
It's common courtesy to give a gift receipt with Christmas presents. Not only does this allow you to ascertain if the person bought the item at a marked down price, it also allows you to return it should it be unsuitable. Donny's creepy Jewish sister made no attempt to atone for what she did to Christ and gave me a pair of socks from Marks and Spencer's...
Cash-For-Gold Companies A Rip-Off, Says Leprechaun
A LEPRECHAUN has labelled TV cash-for-gold companies a 'rip-off' after receiving just £12.94 for his entire pot.
'Rickets Hero II' Overtakes 'World Of Ricketscraft'
RICKETS Hero II has overtaken World of Ricketscraft to become Britain's most popular computer game.
Labour MPs Send Children To Working Class Private School
A SPECIAL working class-themed private school has been established for the children of Labour MPs worried about social inequality.
Markets Plunge On Bank Crackdown That Will Make No Difference To Your Overdraft
STOCK markets plunged today after President Obama unveiled a far-reaching crackdown on banks that will leave your overdraft exactly as large as it is now.