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Shiny thing make it all better

NEW shiny thing make everything all better, say clever science man yesterday.

John Paul II had ‘intense feelings for Heather Locklear’

POPE John Paul II developed strong feelings for Heather Locklear when she starred in TJ Hooker, it has been claimed.

France To Ban Spiderman

FRANCE has pledged to ban Spiderman unless he reveals his secret identity, it emerged last night.

Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
I love my job but I'm thinking of leaving because my boss is a lecherous old git. He doesn't trust me, so he's always hanging around watching over me and making inappropriate comments about the quality of my work...

Government To Tackle Child Poverty With Fabulous New Production Of 'Oliver!'

THE government is to lift 300,000 London children out of severe poverty by staging the world's biggest production of Oliver!.

Hear'Say Reform As Vigilante Group

FORMER pop sensations Hear'say have reunited to dish out brutal street-style justice to Britain's hardest thugs.

Your Astrological Week Ahead With...

Psychic Bob

Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB)
You've tried hard to juggle your domestic family life with a series of sordid one night stands and longer running affairs with deeply damaged and needy individuals. And it's worked. Well done.

UK Economy Grows By Fifteen Pence

BRITAIN emerged from recession today as the economy grew by 15p.