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Organic Shoppers Rewarded With Right To Commit Evil
SHOPPERS are being offered the chance to use ethical purchases to 'offset' acts of unspeakable foulness.
Your Astrological Week Ahead With...
Psychic Bob
Pisces (20 FEB-20 MAR)
Spring is definitely in the air as you spray your colleagues' desks with your pungent urine and strut up and down in front of the large-breasted temp, ostentatiously displaying the lining of your new jacket.
Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper
Dear Holly,
I am thinking of buying my girlfriend a sexy negligee to wear in bed. I have the suspicion that this might be more arousing to look at than her usual '2005 Race for Life' T-Shirt-and-Primark-sweatpants-combo...
One In Five Descended From Bastard Children Of Scullery Maids
MILLIONS of Britons are descended from the bastard offspring of aristocrat-defiled domestic drudges, it was claimed yesterday.
Balls Condemns Expert For Knowing Stuff
ED Balls has condemned children's commissioner Dr Maggie Atkinson for using her years of professional experience in forming an opinion.
Jackson Estate Won't Spend It All On Giraffes This Time
THE estate of Michael Jackson has signed a record breaking contract and vowed not to spend it all on funfairs, hush money and giraffes.
Hellish Journey To Job You Despise To Cost More Money Than Ever
THE horrific, soul-destroying journey you make every morning to the job that makes you want to die will soon cost a record breaking amount of money.
Call Us 'Deplorable', Union Orders Brown
BRITAIN'S biggest trade union today ordered Gordon Brown to describe it as 'deplorable'.