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Newcastle Fans To Resume Inexplicable Self-Confidence
NEWCASTLE United fans resumed their adorable self-confidence last night by insisting their team was on course to win the Premier League next year without conceding a single goal.
'Intelligent' Gorillas Still Unable To Build Time-Travelling Delorean, Say Experts
GORILLAS who display signs of human-like emotions and reasoning are still no closer to building a Delorean that can travel through time, experts have claimed.
Male Sex Addicts Cured By 'Mamma Mia!'
MALE sex addicts are being cured of their impulsive desire for women by watching the smash hit musical Mamma Mia!
Brown Asks For Five More Years Of Ed Balls
GORDON Brown kicked-off the general election campaign today by seriously expecting Britain to take another five years of Ed Balls and his ghastly, unbearable face.
Vatican 'Really Didn't Know About The Holocaust'
THE Vatican really did have no knowledge of the Nazi's systematic extermination of Jews during World War II, it was claimed last night.
Police Remove Makeshift Daily Mail Reader Warning Sign
POLICE in Kent have removed a makeshift sign that warned drivers and pedestrians about nearby Daily Mail readers.
Good God, This Country Is Full Of Immigrants, Says Brown
GORDON Brown last night said he was amazed to discover that Britain had quite a lot of immigrants.