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Maltese Town Dresses Phallic Statue In School Shorts

A MALTESE town is to cover its famous phallic statue in a school uniform to avoid offending the Pope.

Fury Over Padded Bikinis For Pets

ANIMAL rights groups have called for a ban on a new range of provocative padded beachwear for pets.

'I Can't Come Into Work Because Of The Volcano'

THOUSANDS of people across Britain are planning an early start to the weekend today as the Icelandic volcano presented them a fascinating new excuse.

Your Astrological Week Ahead With...

Psychic Bob


Aries (21 MAR-19 APR)
As a child you would always play with the boxes the toys came in, so your wife shouldn't be too surprised this week when she comes home to find you wearing her cocktail dress.

Northerners almost the same as people, say Tories

TODAY'S Northerner is now almost on a par with humans, the Conservatives have announced.

Brown Dangerously Close To Realising What's Wrong With Him

GORDON Brown has taken another small step towards finally realising what's wrong with him, it emerged last night.

Gay Priests Have Sex With Men, Say Experts

PRIESTS who are gay are 100% more likely to have sex with men rather than boys, experts have claimed.

Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
My boss must be very clumsy because he's forever dropping items of stationery on the floor and requesting that I bend over to pick them up...