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Electorate Begs For Death
SERIOUSLY, either stop this shit or kill us, Britain's electorate begged last night.
BNP Launches Aryan Spread
THE British National Party has launched a racially pure sandwich spread for people whose necks are wider than their heads.
Noisy Welsh Girls Accumulating Money
NOISY Welsh girls are accumulating money at an increasingly terrifying rate, experts warned last night.
Ryanair to follow passengers home and wait outside their house
RYANAIR has agreed to pay compensation to stranded passengers but said it was also going to follow them home and wait outside their house.
Clegg To Clean Up Politics Using His Personal Bank Account
NICK Clegg has pledged to clean up British politics as long as you can stick two hundred and fifty quid into his current account by the end of the week.
Frenchman Wipes Arse
FRANCE is facing its biggest upheaval in more than 40 years after a man from Nice wiped his bottom after going to the lavatory.
Election Campaign Still There
BRITAIN was profoundly disappointed today as the volcano-based news plume dispersed to reveal that the general election campaign has just been sitting there the whole time.