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Guest Blog: Danny Dyer


SO there I was, walkin' the mean streets of West Hampstead with only a six-man camera crew and seven security advisors for company.  By the looks I was gettin' from some of the naughty local faces – Lucy, the Channel 4 documentary maker, Victor, the Classics teacher and Cameron, the web designer - I was beginnin' to feel like a Nick Love at the Cannes Film Festival.

US Discriminates Against Dirty Old Buggers, Says Polanski

THE UNITED States has an institutional prejudice against manky old sods, Roman Polanski claimed last night.

Labour Calls For Tactical Vote-Rigging

THE Labour Party has urged its vote riggers in key marginal seats to make it look as if quite a lot of fictional people have voted Liberal Democrat.

John Barrowman Easily Defeats The Power Of Prayer

TORCHWOOD actor John Barrowman's demonic homosexuality last night scored an effortless victory over the power of prayer.

Amanda Holden Reverting To Dung

THE sorcery holding Amanda Holden together is wearing off, it emerged yesterday.

Schools Deserted

BRITAIN'S schools stood empty today, apart from 440,000 joyful teachers swinging tube socks filled with two-pence pieces.

Brown And Clegg In Synchronised Larry Grayson Tribute

DAVID Cameron moved a step closer to Downing Street last night after Gordon Brown and Nick Clegg's ill-judged tribute to Larry Grayson.