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Lib Dems Force Tories To Have Gay Friends And A Composting Toilet
CONSERVATIVE MPs will be forced to have at least one gay friend each and install a filthy stone age toilet in their homes under any coalition deal with the Liberal Democrats.
First-Time Buyers Still Pathetic
YOUNG would-be homebuyers are still clinging to their nauseatingly rose-tinted hopes and dreams, it was claimed last night.
Media Mount 24-Hour Vigil Outside Cheryl Cole's Fandango
THE world's media last night set up camp outside Cheryl Cole's vagina amid mounting rumours it is about to be reactivated.
Lord Ashcroft To Buy Belgium Instead
TORY donor Lord Ashcroft has abandoned his plans to buy Britain and is now switching his attention to Belgium, it was confirmed last night.
Clegg Pondering Ghastly Act Of Necrophilia
LIBERAL Democrat leader Nick Clegg is today wondering whether he should have sex with something that is obviously dead.
National Trust Revamps Historic Dogging Site
THE UK's oldest dogging site has been re-opened by the National Trust, with interactive stranger sex displays and cakes.
Britain To Make Horrifyingly Ill-Informed Choice
BRITAIN will today once again cast its vote guided by a series of worthless opinions with no basis in fact.