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Bastards Thinking Of New Names For Your Fat Bits
THE bastard inventors of 'moobs' are working on names for your other fat bits, it has been confirmed.
Glazers To Make Rio Ferdinand Dance For Chinese Gangsters
THE owners of Manchester United are to pay down their debts by making Rio Ferdinand do a fan dance for some Chinese opium lords.
Oil Well Capped Before Everyone Realises It's Their Fault
THE ruptured oil pipe in the Gulf of Mexico has been capped just minutes before everyone realised it had all been their fault.
Liverpool Celebrations Visible From Space
CELEBRATIONS marking the departure of Rafael Benitez have been spotted by astronauts on board the International Space Station.
Sensitive men launch pathetic bid to feign interest in football
MILLIONS of men across England have embarked on a pathetic attempt to pretend to care about football, it was confirmed last night.
NHS Hospitals 'Better Than Being Homeless', Claims Lunatic
SPENDING the night in an NHS hospital is better than living on the street, according to Britain's most demented vagrant.
Office Workers Finally Switch To Crack
AN IMMUNITY to caffeine has led to a growing number of office workers switching to crack, according to new research.
Some People Still Think Cheryl Cole Is Real, Says TV Watchdog
THOUSANDS of television viewers still believe that Cheryl Cole is not a
special effect created in a damp bedroom, it emerged last night.