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Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
I'm the only girl in my office and I am starting to feel like the rest of my colleagues are objectifying me and making lewd comments behind my back. The other day, I went to fetch a flip chart for a meeting and discovered a crude drawing of a naked lady being interfered with by several stick men and a cartoon dog...

Your Astrological Week Ahead With...

Psychic Bob

Cancer (21 JUN-22 JUL)
If you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen, take your top off and then get back in the kitchen and cook my fucking dinner.

Fat Causes Fatness, Say Experts

THE fat that is in food could be the same as the fat that is in people, experts claimed last night.

Schools To Send The Thickest 25% Home


EDUCATION spending cuts will be managed by sending the dimmest quarter of pupils home to spend more time with their chew toys.

How the Budget will affect your pointless, money-obsessed 'life'

The Daily Mash has crunched the numbers on yesterday's Budget to work out how it will affect your ability to buy all that stupid shit your television keeps telling you that you need.

Osborne To Sack Coventry

CHANCELLOR George Osborne is to throw everyone in Coventry out of work after a brilliant suggestion from Harriet Harman.

GPs To Rate Patients On The Basis Of Leaving Them Alone

GP waiting times are to be scrapped so doctors can prioritise based on a patient's potential to disrupt their wine shopping.

Ikea Using Gas That Makes You Forget Your Last Visit

FURNITURE giant Ikea is using memory-wiping gas to make customers forget how awful their visit has been, it was claimed yesterday.