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Psychic Bob

Cancer (21 JUN-22 JUL)
Enough is enough. Jeremy Bowen must reinstate his moustache.

Millions Of Britons Now Living On Less Money Than They Would Ideally Prefer

A RECORD number of UK families can't afford to buy all the shit they want, it emerged last night.

Jail Is Like 'Mean Girls' But With Massive, Angry Lesbians, Judge Tells Lohan

LINDSAY Lohan has been assured that jail will be reminiscent of her 2004 hit film Mean Girls but with a lot more large, aggressive bull-dykes who want to use her for sport.

6 Music To Continue Doing Whatever It Supposedly Does

NOBODY is sure whether 6 Music has started broadcasting again, whether it stopped or what it actually does, following a decision by the BBC Trust.

Jedward Turned Into Subway Filling

TRAGIC pop accident Jedward is to be eaten in a bap as part of a special offer meal deal at Subway.

Government Unveils School App

THOUSANDS of schools across Britain are to be replaced with an iPhone app costing just 99p.

Wax Attack


This week's hottest new single releases

Das Shittz - You Are Not My Daddy
The band recently reported their producer to the musical ombudsman after he bricked them up into a chimney until they got a drum snare right.

Middle Class Parents Exhausting, Say Babies

INFANTS are finding it difficult to cope with their middle class parents' tedious angst about their careers and 'creative space', it was claimed last night.