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Starving Africans Looking Forward To Live Aid Drama
MALNOURISHED people across Africa have vowed to crawl to their nearest television to watch the BBC's dramatisation of Live Aid.
Cameron Beginning To Realise Exactly Who He's In Charge Of
PRIME minister David Cameron was on the brink of resignation last night after finally realising what British people are actually like.
Diana In Heaven
'Sir Arthur used it to catch the dead ones out of The Golden Girls
and gently lick their faces before letting them go again. Cheeky
bastard...'
Your Astrological Week Ahead...
Psychic Bob
Cancer (21 JUN-22 JUL)
If you love somebody, set them free. Stockholm Syndrome is a wonderful thing.
Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper
Dear Holly,
I don't seem to be able to hang on to a man, no matter what I do. It's
not that I have any difficulties getting them in the first place: I just
show a bit of nipple down the chippie...
You Owe Us A Total Ride, Men Tell Home Office
IF the Home Office has even a shred of decency left it will immediately replace Anna Chapman with something of comparable humpability, Britain's men said last night.
Jolie Continuing To Promote Peace Through Ultra-Violent Action Films
ANGELINA Jolie last night urged movie-goers to be inspired by the pacifist message of her new film Unrelenting Gun Death II: So Much Blood.
Gibson And Cruise To Form United Psychopaths
MEL Gibson and Tom Cruise are to form a new studio dedicated to making films that are completely insane from start to finish.