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Boar Sires 80 Piglets By 10 Different Sows

A BOAR is to have his tenth litter by 10 different sows, ultimately costing the UK taxpayer as much as £2 million.

Bin Strike Could Clear Streets Of Rubbish

A STRIKE by Britain's binmen could force rubbish to stay in neat piles instead of being flung all over the place willy-nilly, it was claimed last night.

Marriage provides great opportunity to ditch annoying friends

GETTING married provides an excellent excuse to deliberately lose touch with your more tiresome friends, according to new data.

Tea Party Anti-Masturbation Video 'Incredibly Arousing'

MEN cannot resist touching themselves while watching Tea Party candidate Christine O'Donnell's anti-masturbation diatribe, it has emerged.

Pope Congratulated On Size Of His Balls

POPE Benedict was congratulated on the sheer heft and girth of his testicles last night after the former Hitler Youth member said atheists were Nazis and accused Richard Dawkins of plotting a new holocaust.

Film Of Video Game To Be Adapted Into Video Game And Then Back Into Film

THE film of the console game Resident Sewage 43: Crapocalypse is to be adapted back into a console game and then back into a film and so on until the ending of the world, it has been confirmed.

Queen To Have Lunch With Insane Criminal

THE Queen will today have soup and sandwiches at her Edinburgh home with an insane German criminal she met off a plane.

Your Astrological Week Ahead, With Psychic Bob

Virgo (23 AUG-22 SEP)
Extra flavour can be achieved by placing cloves, star anise and garlic under the skin. If they're circumcised, just swab it with Marmite.