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Tevez Demands 30 Minute Matches
CARLOS Tevez has asked the Premier League to consider overhauling the entire football rulebook as his legs are a bit tired.
Pay Civil Servants 50p An Hour, Says Topshop Boss
THE UK government could be made cheaper and more efficient if civil
servants were paid 50 pence an hour, the boss of Topshop has claimed.
Feckless Tory Orders Nuclear Bombs He Can't Afford
A WORKSHY Tory defence secretary wants to order a new fleet of nuclear submarines and then get taxpayers to foot the bill, it emerged last night.
Poppy Spalding's Big Gap Year
My hotel is right on the Strip so I wasn't surprised when I found traces of GSR in my toilet. I was able to guesstimate the TOD to be 4am. There was no use looking for the VIC - he'd be six metres under the Nevada desert by now, his dental records vanished without a trace. Further investigations under the bed revealed a Riverdance DVD and a Scholl Party Foot...
Apprentice Inspires New Generation To Become Vile
THE new series of The Apprentice is inspiring a new generation to become grasping, money-obsessed little turds, the BBC has claimed.
Kyle Hit By Monkey Faeces
MONKEY trainer Jeremy Kyle was left shaken last night after one of his creatures struck him on the head with a handful of fresh droppings.
Neanderthal Man 'Was Capable Of Being A Prick'
EARLY man often indulged in intolerable behaviour similar to that of modern-day pricks, it has emerged.
Thing You Pay The Bank To Let Keep Your Stuff In Is Worth £6000 Less
THE thing you keep your stuff in that's owned by the bank and that no-one wants to buy anyway is worth £6000 less than it used to be, according to new research.