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Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper
Dear Holly,
I require your help with a rather sensitive issue, regarding the size of
my wife's backside. When we were married, many moons ago, it was neat
and pert like a ripe peach...
ITV To Apologise To Essex Using A Sad Face And Some Boobs
THE broadcaster of The Only Way Is Essex is to apologise to the county's residents using pictures of things they recognise.
Gordon Brown To Have A Nice, Lazy Day
GORDON Brown will have a late breakfast, watch some afternoon telly and then take a nice long bath while George Osborne is kicking your bastarding teeth down your throat, it has been confirmed.
Cowell To Last As Long As The Universe
SIMON Cowell will last as long as the universe contains beings with television sets and money, it was confirmed yesterday.
Wha Gwarn Mi Bredrin, Police Tell Black People
POLICE are stopping disproportionate numbers of ethnic minorities purely so that they can act 'street', it has emerged.
I Guess That's Why They Call It The Circle Of Life, Says Elton John
POP music all sounds the same these days, the singer of Goodbye Candle in the Road claimed last night.
Captain Mainwaring's Digital Versatile Disc Review
NOW pay attention men. Last night at around 17.00 hours, I took delivery
of the latest batch of DVD videograms I've been asked to review,
courtesy of Mr Jones, who also included a lamb chop and two pork
sausages.
Paid Sterilisation Extended To People Who Still Like Glee
A PROGRAMME of paid sterilisation is to be extended to people who are still watching Glee.