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Frigid Lesbianism Caused By Brain Defect
WOMEN who don't like having sex with men have something wrong with their brains, a new study has finally proved beyond doubt.
Cherie Blair's Sister Converts To Aldi
CHERIE Blair's sister has converted to Aldi, it emerged last night.
Fury Over Death Of Britain's Biggest Cow
ANGER erupted across Britain last night after the nation's largest cow was found dead.
Portsmouth Saved By Rooney Change Jar
WAYNE Rooney has ensured Portsmouth FC's future after pledging them the contents of his sofa.
London To Be Socially Cleansed After Child Bitten By Poor Person
LONDON'S poor are to be culled after a child was bitten by an unemployed adult male.
Manchester In Desperate Need Of A Bowling Alley
MANCHESTER is to build a gigantic bowling alley after it emerged that 30 local men had nothing better to do on a Thursday night than go to a footballer's house and threaten to kill him.
BBC Pledges Most Utterly Hellish Eastenders Christmas Ever
THIS year's Eastenders Christmas will set new standards in unbearably hellish festive grimness, the BBC has promised.
Thatcher Gaining Strength From Nation's Misery
BARONESS Thatcher was making a remarkable recovery from illness last night, as she gained sustenance from Britain's collective trauma.