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Your Boss Is A Dick, Say Experts

YOUR boss is exploring the uncharted regions of dickishness, according to new research.

Aleksandr The Meerkat Murders Children Of Subordinate Clan Members

MEERKAT celebrity Aleksandr Orlov has murdered and partially eaten several of his lower-status co-habitants' offspring, it emerged last night.

England Primitive, Say Potato Gangsters

ENGLAND'S 2018 World Cup bid is 'primitive' according to the land of potato gangsters where nothing works.

Immigration Laws Fuelling Rise In Insane Brain Surgeons

MORE than half the foreign surgeons allowed into the UK are insane and intent on undertaking crazy brain-swapping experiments, it has emerged.

Owen Out With Ovary Strain

Manchester United striker Michael Owen will be out for six weeks after straining his left ovary.

Government Urged To Crackdown On The Overly Keen

ENTHUSIASTIC workers should be treated just as harshly as benefit cheats, according to a new study.

Your Astrological Week Ahead, With Psychic Bob

Scorpio (24 OCT-21 NOV)
All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances, and one man in his time plays many parts. Except Jeff Goldblum.

Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
This weekend, my boss is putting on the annual Halloween party in the office, which is usually a cause for excitement, as I love to get dressed up as something slutty and inappropriate, like a whorish Little Bo Peep or a sexy black cat with a tail and massive tits...