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Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper
Dear Holly,
My girlfriend and I have enjoyed a healthy, active sex life for several
months now, but I am still feeling somewhat unsatisfied in the bedroom
because we haven't yet fulfilled my ultimate fantasy. Essentially, I
would like to dress up as David Cameron...
ITV Agrees To Final Daybreak Viewer's Demand For Lizard Wrestling
CHRISTINE Bleakley is to wrestle a Komodo dragon on live television, at the specific request of the sole remaining viewer of Daybreak.
America Exercises Right To Punch Itself In The Nuts
THE United States last night reasserted its hard won freedom to punch itself squarely in the balls.
Policeman Displays Human-Like Intelligence
A POLICEMAN has remembered the names of songs and been able to use them in a sentence, it emerged last night.
Police issued guidelines on how to behave while trapped in a wicker man
NEW police guidelines on religious tolerance will include how to behave sensitively when being sacrificed to a Pagan deity.
Britain Facing Somali Pirate Shortage
A BAN on air freight from Somalia could leave Britain facing a chronic shortage of crazy pirates, experts have warned.
Redknapp Threatens Ban On Cliched, Platitudinous Bullshit
HARRY Redknapp has threatened a blackout of worthless, instantly forgettable post-match comments which ultimately demean both him and you.
Scottish Football In Multi-Pound Cover Up
REFEREES in the Scottish Premier League have been implicated in a betting ring worth over £10.