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Queen To Spend Three Days A Week Blocking Facebook Arseholes

THE Queen will be forced to spend up to three days a week blocking arseholes who leave comments on her Facebook page.

Hodgson Apologises To Chelsea Pensioners

LIVERPOOL manager Roy Hodgson fears he will never be invited to another Sunday afternoon tea dance after his team's victory over Chelsea.

Villagers Demand Return Of Flaccid, Old School Nudists

A FRENCH village plagued by an influx of copulating naturists is campaigning for the return of overweight, erection-free volley ball players.

Duncan Smith Finally Gets To Own Slaves

IAIN Duncan Smith will fulfil a lifelong ambition this week when he finally takes possession of his first batch of slaves.

Just Make A Car, Everyone Tells Sinclair

SIR Clive Sinclair has been told to stop this nonsense and just make a little car.

Modern men don't know enough about comics, complain women

SINGLE women are frustrated that men have a poor knowledge of comics, especially Golden Age titles and the DC crossover series.

Public Must Choose Between Cure For Cancer And Invisibility Cloak

SCIENCE cannot defeat cancer and produce a magical see-through space coat, experts have warned.

BBC Beats Strike With 'Richard Baker's Greatest Hits'

THE BBC has shrugged off strike action by its journalists by screening a selection of classic news stories from the last 40 years.