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Everything In Your Life Is Insanely Complicated Except This New Thing, Says Facebook
YOUR life is spiralling out of control thanks to an ever more complex series of communication paradigms that will eventually murder you, Facebook confirmed last night.
Shaun Ryder's Jungle
AND so I am to appear on I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here. As an aesthete I am naturally repelled by the unstoppable march of reality television programmes and the oxygen they lend to the dismal, slack-jawed 'personalities' who scramble to appear on them.
Power-thinking, with Dr Morris O'Connor
Being the cleverest person in the room is an incredible feeling. You probably worry that the hours you spend on Facebook looking at photo albums of people you don't know or reading celebrity gossip magazines is making you stupid. It is not...
Ireland To Dance Its Way Out Of Debt
IRELAND is to save itself from bankruptcy by dancing.
Vettel Celebrates By Fingering Girl In Car Park
SEBASTIAN Vettel marked becoming the youngest F1 champion ever by embarking on a marathon knucklefish session behind KFC.
Rogue ITV Producer Running Own Nightmarish Version Of 'I'm A Celebrity' In Cambodia
A DEMENTED TV producer is running his own hellish celebrity-based reality show in the Cambodian jungle, where he is worshipped as a god by natives.
British General Stopped Russians From Killing James Blunt
A BRITISH general's intervention to stop World War III may also have prevented the destruction of James Blunt, it emerged last night.
British Gas To Just Shoot Your Dog In The Face
SOMEONE from British Gas will be round this afternoon to shoot your dog in the face, it has been confirmed.