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Apprentice Contestants To Run Irish Economy
SIR Alan Sugar is to task the remaining Apprentice contestants with making Ireland's economy less cock-shaped.
Lazy, Working Class Ufo Sighted Over Midlands
EXTRA-terrestrials are reaching out to the idle working class after a craft shaped like a high-fat snack was sighted over Dudley.
Airport Scanner Pics Disappoint Masturbators
THESE airport x-ray images that were supposed to show full-frontal nudity are very disappointing, creepy masturbators said last night.
New Generation Lives Up To Lack Of Promise
FABIO Capello said England now has the strength in depth to carry its grinding
mediocrity forward to the next generation.
William Has Constitutional Duty To Spend £80m On A Party, Say Experts
PRINCE William will be barred from the throne unless he spends at least £80m on his wedding, constitutional experts have confirmed.
Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper
Dear Holly,
The other day, I was in a nightclub, pulling my usual snake-like moves
on the dance floor, when I spotted a pair of girls eyeing me up from the
bar...
Your Astrological Week Ahead, With Psychic Bob
Scorpio (24 OCT-21 NOV)
De Babylon, dem mek I and I gwan be a bad bwoy, seen? And that, m'lud, is the case for the defense.
Grandparents Secretly Starting To Hate The Little Shits
GRANDPARENTS are finding their kindly exterior increasingly difficult to maintain, it has emerged.