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Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper
Dear Holly,
I think maybe my wife is keeping something from me because she's been
acting really weird of late. She's started spending all her free time
with a close female friend, even staying over some nights.
Your Astrological Week Ahead, With Psychic Bob
Sagittarius (22 NOV-21 DEC)
Saturn's been sat outside your house in his car for two hours now with
the engine running, smoking endless cigarettes and carving shapes into
the dashboard with a flick-knife. I'm sure it's nothing to worry about.
Queen Celebrates Role As Defender Of The Meh
DEFENDING Britain's half-arsed interest in God and stuff is the sovereign's most important role, the Queen said yesterday.
We Actually Think Wagner Is Pretty Good, Say People Who Voted For Him
THE overwhelming popularity of Wagner may be due to millions of people thinking he is brilliant, it was confirmed last night.
Royal Wedding Gives Britain Four Day Break From Baying At Freaks
NEXT April's Royal Wedding will give Britain a four-day respite from its busy schedule of baying hysterically at television freak shows.
Can't You All Just Settle This Over A Nice Plate Of Dog? World Asks Korea
NORTH and South Korea have been urged to settle their differences over a big plate of dog chops.
Employers Braced For Tired, Angry Drunks
WORKPLACES across England are bracing themselves for the impact of thousands of red-eyed, half-pissed psychopaths, when the Ashes begins later this week.
Blumenthal Pudding Adds Tedious New Conversation Piece To Christmas
HESTON Blumenthal's Christmas pudding is set to be an achingly dull talking point at this season's least interesting dinner tables.