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Premiership Reaches New Heights Of Epic 110 Percentness
THE Premier League has seen its biggest weekend of epic, 110 percent giving since it was scraped off a wart on Rupert Murdoch's back.
Britain's Happiness Now Based Mainly On Suffering Of Others
THE single thing that makes Britons happiest is watching others have a total and utter nightmare, according to a new study.
Unmanned Wikileaks Drone Destroys Afghan Village
WIKILEAKS was last night accused of putting lives at risk after destroying an Afghan village with an unmanned drone.
First Alien Contact To Be Dirty Phone Message
MANKIND'S introduction to extra-terrestrial life will be a series of lewd, unprovoked insults from Jonathan Ross.
Humans Do Not Breed, Say Experts
HUMAN reproduction is invariably based on love and a deep longing to
create something unique and beautiful, it was confirmed last night.
Guest Blog: Piers Morgan
My job has taken me to every corner of the globe. Along the way I've met
the rich, the famous and have even had time to say a polite 'hello' to
ordinary folk, despite the fact that they can do nothing to further my career.
Duncan Smith Backs Retirement Brothels
BRITISH workers face spending their twilight years in peaceful, neon-lit retirement brothels.
Palin Targets Fish
SARAH Palin has pledged a campaign of systematic fish genocide in a bid
to stop marine life forms spreading lies about evolution.