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Power-thinking, with Dr Morris O'Connor

YOUR current reality or your current life is as you created it. If you haven’t found your soulmate, or you wish you had a better one, you're the one to blame. Like me, you can have the finest and most elegant soulmate this planet has to offer.

Allardyce returns to double glazing factory

BLACKBURN Rovers have confirmed that Sam Allardyce will return to his post as regional sales executive for Ossett Windows.

Councils to sack all the wrong people

CASH-strapped local councils have pledged to identify the workers who are most useful and then sack them.

Millions protest over ban on Aguilera's glory hole

ITV has been bombarded by angry viewers demanding to know why they were not allowed to see Christine Aguilera's holiest of holies.

Southerners reluctant to eat fruit picked by northerners

FRUIT picked by northern people would have to be washed at least three times, southern people said last night.

Google reveals search terms of the apocalypse

GOOGLE has announced the seach terms that will spell the End of Days.

Tevez demands bigger cage

MANCHESTER City cheese-before-bedtime nightmare Carlos Tevez has rocked fans by asking for a larger pen.

Hurley to decapitate warne after intercourse

LIZ Hurley has announced the imminent closure of her relationship with Shane Warne.