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Your problems solved, with Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
The other day, I thought for a split second that John Prescott had stripped naked and broken into our house, but then I realised it was just my reflection in the bedroom mirror...

Government trying to work out if 'bumtard' is homophobic

THE government is to launch an inquiry into whether words such as 'bumtard' and 'spangler' are anti-gay.

Seeing a thing makes you think about it, say experts

SEEING a picture of someone doing something makes you think about the thing they are doing, according to new research.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Capricorn (22 DEC-19 JAN)
You've not been yourself recently, which explains why people can finally bear to be in the same room as you.

Bankers blame capitalism for their arrogance

BANKERS have blamed the capitalist system for thinking they are better than everyone.

Somebody bought a Segway

SOMEBODY actually bought one of those stupid Segway things, it emerged last night.

Clegg told to stop thinking

DEPUTY prime minister Nick Clegg was last night told to stop thinking about stuff.

Jordan's writers to kill off Alex Reid

THE writing team behind Jordan is considering killing Alex Reid amid concerns the story is becoming too complex for its target demographic.