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Northern gibbons are lazy thieves, say scientists
PRIMATES from the northern half of rainforests are more likely to be dishonest than their southerly counterparts, scientists have claimed.
Kids who eat pizza 'do not ask lots of smart-arse questions'
FAT, happy children who eat pizza do not waste time asking annoying, smart-arse questions, research has discovered.
Torres fee obviously adjusted for inflation, claims Chelsea
FERNANDO Torres' £50m transfer fee was clearly adjusted to allow for inflation, Chelsea insisted last night.
Multiculturalism fails as Mrs Gerving gets annoyed with Mrs Patel
BRITISH multiculturalism officially collapsed yesterday after Mrs Patel
neglected to return a Catherine Cookson book belonging to her white neighbour,
Margaret Gerving.
Coogan possesses Top Gear opinion
STEVE Coogan fans were dismayed last night after it emerged the actor is one of those people who has an opinion about Top Gear.
Lies about plastic surgery up 39%
LAST year saw a record increase in the number of obvious lies about embarrassing surgery scars.
New York smoking ban to halt fall in violent crime
NEW York is bidding to reverse its plummeting violent crime figures by not letting anybody smoke.
Girlfriends to get half of disgusting heap of shit in middle of floor
WOMEN should be entitled to half of their boyfriend's disgusting pile of crap in the event of a split, according to a landmark ruling.