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Britain may have to do some actual work

BRITAIN faces the prospect of having to remove its finger from its arse.

'Oh no! It's the Daily Telegraph!' says Scotland

SCOTLAND was last night fleeing in terror after a surprise attack from the first battalion of Her Majesty's Daily Telegraph.

Gove reminds everyone how pointless the Queen is

MICHAEL Gove today called for everyone to get annoyed about the Queen's unrelenting pointlessness.

Spurs fan to wake up in a damp bed

THE Tottenham Hotspur fan whose dream we are all part of will wake soon, blinking this universe out of existence, experts have claimed.

The Artist named this year’s 'amaaayzing' film

A BLACK-and-white tribute to the golden age of silent cinema, has been named this year's most 'amaaayzing' film by people you will overhear in coffee shops.

Clegg wants unbearably middle class economy with shit adverts

NICK Clegg wants the British economy to be filled with middle class kitchen utensils and adverts made by bastards.

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Bluebell Park high speed rail link.