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Most don't want to work past the age of zero
MOST people in Britain would prefer not to work a day in their lives, according to new research.
M&S about to learn 14 different French words for 'shit'
MARKS and Spencer is about to discover all the different words the French have for things that are shit.
Average Mother's Day gift selection time rises to 3.5 seconds
THOUGHTFULNESS is on the increase across the UK with some people taking almost four seconds to choose a Mother's Day present, it has emerged.
Mail readers' heads explode in search for April Fool
THOUSANDS of heads were exploding across Britain today as people tried to work out which Daily Mail story was a hoax.
Work starts on Olympic Stadium excuses
SEBASTIAN Coe has launched the first tranche of excuses about why something in the Olympic Stadium doesn't work.
Ryanair unveils flimsiest ever price hike justification
GROUND-breaking budget airline Ryanair has unveiled the industry's flimsiest every bullshit excuse for a price rise.
Derek Acorah banishes family's dignity
TV spiv Derek Acorah has perfomed a mysterious ritual to rid an ordinary family of its self-esteem.
Britain grants asylum to hilariously-named terrorist
BRITAIN last night offered safe haven to Colonel Gaddafi's charmingly-named terrorist sidekick.