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Your problems solved, with Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
My job requires me to work away a lot of the time, which means my wife often has to spend evenings and weekends alone, and this makes me feel terribly guilty. Thankfully, she has struck up a friendship with the gentleman next door.

Oh, go on then, say universities

UNIVERSITIES have decided that they would like to make more money rather than less.

 


Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Aries (21 MAR-19 APR)
Your upbeat attitude, positive outlook and unquenchable optimism prove that you obviously haven't been paying attention.

Hoax flash mob used to cull dicks

THE promise of a 'flash mob' has lured thousands of annoying people to their timely deaths, it emerged last night.

Now apologise for America, Britain told

IF Britain is in the mood for apologising for things it should really add America to its list, it was claimed last night.

Letwin on to something

TORY bastard Oliver Letwin may have struck gold with his desire to confine the working class to their hellholes, it has been claimed.

Mario and Luigi not actually brothers but do live together

MOUSTACHIOED adventurers Mario and Luigi are not related but they do have a special bond, it has emerged.

'Atheist bible' an impossible fairy story, say Christians

THE idea that people could do good things without religion is a child's fairy story, Christians have claimed.